I'm truly trying to remember that all things happen for a reason and that God has a purpose and a plan in all things. I really am. But when things at home and at work suck at the same time, it is really hard to remember.
I keep getting slapped in the face with disappointments. I'm trying to stay positive, but it is really hard. I get that I can't have everything I want, when I want it, and I'm trying to accept this. It is just difficult when things just keep happening one right after another. A total domino effect.
I listen to Mandisa's "Overcomer" for inspiration and it just makes me cry. Even listening to my beloved One Direction isn't helping. I just feel sad and overwhelmed.
I know part of my problem is that lately I just feel like I haven't accomplished what I wanted with my life (aside from my son who is my everything!!!). I'm going to be 45 in April. I have no real talent and no achievable dreams. I'm someone that needs a project or a goal to make me feel fulfilled and right now I have nothing on my plate (aside of my One Direction obsession, which is totally inappropriate at my age).
Sometimes I feel like I'm invisible. I'm always lost in the crowd, the 3rd wheel, the person looking in from outside. I hate that. All my life I have tried so hard to fit in, wherever I am, to no avail. I just feel like a nobody. Always have, probably always will. Usually, I'm ok with it. But lately, it is really bothering me.
I just don't know how to get over this hurdle. I need to find a way to get my balance back and quit dwelling on the negative things. I need to embrace the positive. But right now, I just can't.
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